Therapist Dr. Miriam Kirmayer suggests paying attention to the ‘shoulds’ you hold around friendship as you deal with difficult relationships.

Cleaning out your closet is well and good, but it’s also important to take stock of the people and relationships in your life, according to therapist and friendship researcher Dr. Miriam Kirmayer.

The first step, says Dr. Miriam Kirmayer, a therapist and friendship expert, is to set the stage by knowing the expectations we have for our friendships.

If a friend disapproves of your relationship, getting some solid perspective from your friend can ”allow you to have the kind of discussions that help you preserve your friendship," says Dr. Miriam Kirmayer.

When it gets cold out, it’s easy to “cocoon ourselves” at home, says Dr. Miriam Kirmayer, but friendships are, unsurprisingly, “essential for our health and well-being.”

How do you go about building those relationships with other parents? Friendship expert Dr. Miriam Kirmayer shares some tips.

“As adults, we become busy with work, romance, children, careers, and aging parents. Even if we do have time to meet new people, where can we look?” Dr. Miriam Kirmayer says.

It's tempting to focus on the missteps of others when a relationship begins to feel negative, but therapist and friendship researcher Miriam Kirmayer says it's important to examine your own role in the dynamic, too.

"The busyness and structure of adulthood just isn't set up for helping us to make and keep friends," friendship expert and therapist Dr. Miriam Kirmayer says.

“As we transition out of emerging adulthood, we’re no longer surrounded by a group of same-age peers who happen to be in a similar life stage and with whom we have things in common,” says Dr. Miriam Kirmayer.

“When people we were friends with become higher or lower than us, that creates issues with how open, transparent and authentic we are,” said Dr. Miriam Kirmayer.

Having a friendship with someone who is older allows for a “window into a different life experience or state,” says Dr. Miriam Kirmayer.

So what can account for the big friendship shift that seems to occur once you hit your third or fourth decade? According to Dr. Miriam Kirmayer, the answer is simple: life.

“More often than not, friendships end because of this gradual distancing process that happens.” To help you navigate this tough time, Dr. Miriam Kirmayer shares six tips for how to deal.

It can be disorienting to feel you’re back at square one with a person you already have a shared history with. Here’s some help from connection experts like Dr. Miriam Kirmayer.

“The best case scenario is you plan ahead for these situations so you’re not chasing after your friends later,” said Dr. Miriam Kirmayer.

“It’s not uncommon for friends to feel as though they don’t have enough time to spend with each other or that they miss the days when their conversations were not dominated by wedding updates," says Dr. Miriam Kirmayer.

Therapist and friendship researcher Dr. Miriam Kirmayer, says over time, it gets harder for adults to form meaningful friendships.

Dr. Miriam Kirmayer, a therapist and friendship researcher, suggests being clear about your limits when you’re feeling frenzied.

Dr. Miriam Kirmayer says it's not about keeping different spheres of your life separate from each other, but expanding so you can each bring your best self to the relationship.